d(^_^)b—els Weblog

Let’s just say there are things that you don’t want to see people doing, especially in public. I mean things that you expect them to do at home or somewhere private where no one can witness the event. Seeing such things would disgust anyone, anywhere….anytime.

First…we must follow a rule. It’s stated as follows: Keep the boogers in your nostrils unless it’s halfway out. No need to be digging them out if they’re tightly snugged between your nose hairs! No one wants to see you digging up to your second knuckle!!! I mean come on now!!!

I don’t want to be seeing anyone on Interstate 94 digging for moonrocks while trying to lane change! That’s just a major distraction for everyone on the road!! Let’s keep the bats in the cave until they are ready to come out or if it’s safe for them to be taken out. By safe, I mean, when you have a tissue in one hand, four walls, and a closed door surrounding you.

It’s also nice to have a safe place to put those gold nuggets that you have freshly dug up. A trash can or newspaper will be good enough. Just make sure it’s completely covered! No one, and I mean no one…wants to see a dried up nugget on the wall or on the bus seat! I mean come on!!! Please keep your treasures to yourself!!! I have no use for it and I don’t think the person sitting next to you is interested.

So the next time you plan to dig for that nugget or moon rock or want to free that bat from your cave…stay off interstate 94…so I don’t see you!

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hahaha…
ps…please don’t take this to the heart…

joke joke joke
Dig as much as you want. I don’t mind!!! I promise!

This is so  weird to explain. 

There’s something that I am longing for lately. Ever since, I met up with some friends in Jersey. I’ve been kind of jealous.  I feel like I’ve missed out so much since I left for Minnesota.  I feel like I’ve missed out on some of the greatest, closest friendships.  I actually want to move back to get some of that. I want the Filipino type of barkadas.  I miss that.  I mean my cousins have it!  You know, I want to be able to spend time and talk about anything with them.  Dont get me wrong, I’ve met some wonderful people in Minnesota.  People who gave me advice and were there for me when I needed them.  But there’s just something of a Filipino barkada that I can’t seem to grasp here.  I want to be able to bond and share stories that are enlessly funny!

Then, lately I’ve been thinking about that one person who will make me complete.  I shouldn’t even be saying that actually, because I should feel complete whether or not I have that person.  I should be able to complete my own self.  But, I want to be able to meet the guy that would make me laugh, share jokes with me, and give me more courage.  The type of guy that I can joke around with.  The type of guy that can brighten my day. I want everything to be memorable with him…even the first day we meet.  I’m a hopeless romantic…I want everything like how I would see it in the movies.  I want to share the cutest moments with him.  eh. nakakainis…kasi hindi naman ako maganda! hay buhay…

I know that someday that I’ll meet this person.  But, I just wish it would happen soon.  I’m tired of waiting.  I’ve been told that I might not find that person…and it discourages me.  However, it won’t stop me from waiting.

I’m looking for another sabog like me! hehehehe.

I tried my best to explain what I want…but when I reread this blog…I didn’t even come close to fully providing the complete description of what I want….maybe next time…

Okay.

So I just got back from the Philippines. And I have a few things in mind. But the most that’s bugging me is about a mistake that I made before I left.

Let’s just say that I’m not the type of person who would give false hopes to anyone.  I would never try to hold someone and make them believe of feelings that I truly don’t hold. But, I got confused before I left and might have let my guard down.  At first, I didn’t like this particular person because of his attitude and behavior.  But, when I got to know him a couple of months ago, I realized that he also has a sensitive side.  When he told me he has feelings for me, I totally denied the whole thing.  I even laughed it out telling him that it’s just a joke! But I guess, I hurt his feelings for doing that.  I just couldn’t imagine him liking me because he has always treated me like I’m some kind of joke.  The one who he always makes fun of.  The one who is his main target when it comes to criticisms of where I live.  But I guess he changed.  I saw that change in him and, then, I got confused.  I started to think that maybe I’m starting to have the same feelings for him. We started to talk more often.  I opened up to him about my family and some personal things.  I told him why I am not willing to take it any further with him or with anyone I’ve met.  Let’s just say my first conversation with him, was very awkward.  I didn’t like how he kept asking me questions about my feelings for him.  I’m sorry, but during that time I just recently found out that he likes me. I can’t just give him an answer right away. I don’t even truly know him… So I told him that I’m waiting for the right one to come along and then I’ll be willing to take the risk.  But he told me I was selfish and that I will have a hard time finding that right person for me.  I was hurt after hearing this.  I think anyone in my position would feel the same way.  However, I let it pass.  I still communicated with him.  But during this time, I was really confused.  I don’t know if, maybe, I gave him some false hopes because I, myself, can’t remember what I have revealed to him about my feelings.  I thought so much about this while I was gone.  I don’t want him or myself to get hurt.  I don’t want to continue giving him false hopes.  If texting back and picking up his calls are giving him false hopes, I will stop.  I just don’t want to keep doing something that might end up in a big mess that I have to later clean up. 

I still don’t know how I’m going to deal with this.  Lately, I’m just trying to lay low for a while.  Maybe, it will all just pass and no confrontations will be needed.  Maybe, I can just forget about it and he, too, will be able to do the same.  For now, I’m just hoping for the best.  But if you have any advice, will you let me know?

Sorry, I haven’t been keeping my blogs up-to-date.  I have been pretty busy lately.  But, I decided to do a mini-blog today as a stress-reliever from finals.

So let’s see…

There are so many things I have learned in the past year.  Again, I have met some wonderful people that have become my cheap escape from life.  I love them.  They just know when to make me laugh…

Although I have met some wonderful people in the past school year, I kind of lost contact with other people I knew.  When I think back on the times, I realized that I have been distant with some people.  I don’t mean to be distant.  It’s kind of hard to explain.  I just know that I still keep in touch, or at least try to, with the people who have been there for me.

I learned so many things this year. I learned that I shouldn’t open up to people because it gives them a reason to hurt me.  I learned that I have to learn to face my problems, and that running away from them is not going to solve them.  I realized that if I run away, it will always find a way to come back.

….

I hate to admit it…but I got badly hurt last year, and no ordinary band-aid could fix it. Although my experiences from last year were a bit terrifying and hard to recover from, I was still able to move on.  It took me a long time to do this though. I found myself being more quiet for a few months. I found myself trying to distance myself from a lot of people.  I know that they had nothing to do with what I was going through, but I just felt like I needed to think things through a little more.  

After my grandfather passed away last year, I started to use him as my main inspiration in life.  I started to do everything for him.  I didn’t give up in trying to achieve the education he wanted me to have no matter how many times I fell into the cracks of failure.  I tried my best.  I worked from evening to midnight to get the experience I needed and woke up early in the morning to go to school.  I know that this is just the start of what I’m getting myself into, but I know I will succeed as long as I put my priorities first and continue to use my grandfather as inspiration.  I just want him to be proud wherever he may be.  He has taught me a lot in life, and I want to make sure I put it to good use.  So, this is the main reason why I was a bit MIA for most of the activities at school.

Next, I made a mistake last year.  I thought I was ready for something.  But I was very naive and I ended up getting hurt.  Now, I know that I shouldn’t easily open up to people because it hurts when they leave for no reason.  I may be overeacting, but I just don’t want it to happen again.  I had a lot to deal with last year with my grandfather’s death, and I thought someone was there to help me out.  But I found no help.  Instead I got support from the people I didn’t expect to support me.  It took me a long time to forgive and forget.  That’s right. I just want to forget it and leave it at that.  I was hoping that it didn’t come back.  But it did, and it hurt me even more.  It hurt me because I felt that the effort I put in almost a year of forgetting was worthless.  All that effort and it came back.  I mean I recovered from everything, forgot everything, but I was again reminded of it all.  Honestly, I’m not the type of person who likes to be confronted. I don’t like to be put in the spot for me to spill out what I feel.  I just can’t do that.  I end up running away or walking out, just what my friends tell me.  I just can’t handle it.  I know it’s never the right thing to do and talking about it will better solve the problem. But I can’t and I don’t want to.  I just want to foget it for now until I’m ready to remember it again in the future to laugh at the mistakes I’ve made.

……

I don’t want to get hurt. I still believe in fairytales.  But I’m afraid that if I get hurt again, I will no longer find a happy ever after.

Well, recently I’ve met some wonderful people.  They have such unique personalities!! They put both the smile and the frown on my face.  They make my weeks of piled up homework go swiftly.

haha.

 I have all of these new encounters, but for some reason I still feel like I need to meet more people.  I still feel like I need to meet this one special person.  Argh…forget it.  It’s kind of emo-ish! haha.  All I can say is that, I’m still waiting.

 So new topic.

uhh….maybe next time….

I can’t seem to write what I really feel!!! ARGH!!! what’s happening??

I haven’t seen my friend in so long that I missed out on so much.  I wish we didn’t get so distant from each other.  But, I guess we had no control over it.  I’m just glad we got the chance to hang out again. I’m glad that we had our little talk about how we first met each other.  She has such a good heart, and I hope everything goes well.  Love ya lots!

I’m not in the mood to write lately…

 But I’ll list a few things that I’ve done in the past week

1.  Child Psychology midterm

2.  Guitar midterm

3.  Human Behavior and Development midterm

4.  Anatomy midterm

(okay, enough with the midterms!)

5.  Walked into the males’ restroom (then screamed while inside.)

6.  Listened to Huy’s and Sai’s conversations while holding hands!

7.  Went to the mall three days in a row (Friday, Saturday, Sunday)

8.  Went to the waterpark by MOA

9.  Watched Korean movies: 100 Days with Mr. Arrogant, 2 Faces of My Girlfriend, 200 Pounds Beauty, A Millionaire’s First Love, He was Cool, My Sassy Girl,  Attack on the Pin-up Boys 

10.  Saw College Road Trip and Step Up 2 in theaters

11.  Met a lot of people at KC

12.  Had the most awkward conversation

13.  Got rejected

14.  Still building hope

15.  Had bubble-tea for the first time in months with friends

I felt so relieved dumping the cold coffee on this jerk’s head.  He deserved it. He does not have the right to yell at anyone he pleases.  He does not have the right to yell at the poor man because he failed to satisfy his standards.  I mean if he wanted high class, five-star service, then he should have went somewhere else because there is no place for him here.  He disturbed the peacefulness of the whole cafe, drinking coffee at the side of the street while watching people walk by type of environment. 

As I placed the empty cup on top of a nearby table, I felt a sense of regret. The type of regret that you feel when you did something that you know could lead to bad outcomes but still do it anyway because it will make you feel better. I slowly raised my head and searched for his face.  I realized that I had so much adrenaline in me that I couldn’t focus, so it took me a while to look for his face.  As I slowly gained my attention to reality, I started to feel scared.  I looked at his face as the last drop of coffee dripped on the side of cheek.  His eyes were fierce and it seemed like he wanted to say something, but he remained quiet.  I had this feeling that he was going to hit me after what I did to him, but he just stood there, looking at me.

The owner of the cafe immediately went inside to grab a couple of towels from his kitchen. But after he got back, the guy had already left. The owner asked me where he had gone to, but I had no idea where he was going.  He didn’t even say anything as he left, he just slowly walked away.  The owner told me that I shouldn’t have done what I did, but I thought it was the right thing to do.  He needed to wake up to reality.  He needed to realize that not everyone live to follow and satisfy his standards.  Who does he think he is?

I apologized to the cafe owner, and started walking to school.

As I waited for the bus, two blocks away from the cafe, I realized that I don’t anything about the “jerk,” besides that we go to the same university.  But other than that, I don’t know his name, if he has a job, or his major.  I know nothing about him, but I still continue to judge him because of his actions.  I think maybe I was partially at fault here.  However, he still does not have the right to do yell as he pleases. 

I got on the bus and it was packed than usual. I squeezed my way through a load of commuters standing and holding onto the railings as the bus made its way to the next stop.  I stood towards the middle, where I felt I could get more air, but it didn’t make a difference as more people got on the bus. I stood there still thinking about the coffee I poured on the most mysterious guy I have ever seen. I thought maybe he was….

(urgh!) The bus came to a sudden stop.

 Everyone on the bus was never happy especially those standing in the aisle.  I was pushed over to the side of the window as people shoved to get comfortable.  I didn’t realize that rush hour could be so bad in Barcelona.  But it was never this busy whenever I go to school.  However, I did have a slight delay at the cafe. 

I reached for my cellphone in my bag, so that I can call my friend and tell her that I would be late for school. But I couldn’t feel for the phone.  I swung over my bag to look for it and it was no where in sight.  I looked down searching for it on the floor, but I had no luck. Okay, did I leave it at the cafe? Did I drop it as I got on the bus?

Could this day get any better? First it was the acquaintance with the most arrogant jerk in Barcelona, and now I lost my cell phone. What else could possibly go wrong. 

The bus stopped in front of the school, I slowly walked towards the door looking down at the floor.  I was now a student without a cellphone.  How can I make overseas calls to my family? I don’t have much money to buy a new one. I felt so lost.  I turned around to look at the bus, and it was half empty.  But before I returned to gazing back on the ground, I heard my name.

I slowly turned my head towards where my name was called…and it was the arrogant jerk of Barcelona.  He stood still holding onto what seems to be my cellphone!!

Yawns) It’s another beautiful day in Barcelona. The weather man said that it would be a bit warmer out today, but it seems so cold in my apartment. I wonder if my heater is working. There’s always something not working in my apartment. First, it was the lights that flicker on and off, the broken door, and then now my heater. I don’t know much about fixing these things, therefore, I must just work and deal with what I have.

(Takes a screw driver to help open the door to the bathroom)

It’s the second of week of school, and I already feel tired. Most of my schoolwork are time consuming. I put a lot of my time finishing up papers, reading for the lectures, and preparing for laboratory experiments. My only inspiration and motive that keeps me going are the goals I have set and determine to achieve. I hope to someday work at a clinic in South America with my degree in Nursing. But, in order to get to that point in my life, I must first persevere and deal with the shit my professors put me through! Okay, maybe that wasn’t very nice, but IT’S TRUE! haha.

“Buenas Dias, Leria!” Again, the owner of the coffee shop has a cup of coffee to offer me. It’s funny how he prepares this complimentary beverage, when I refuse to drink it. But, I think this time, I must at least accept the coffee. Besides, I truly need it.

“Gracias.” I took my cup of warm coffee. Yes, it was warm and not hot. I wonder if the coffe has been sitting in his cafe for a long time. I sat at one of the tables. The one facing the fountain located at the corner of the street. I remember sitting at this very spot when I first step foot in Barcelona. I was looking for my apartment, but I couldn’t find it. I went into the cafe to ask for directions. The owner immediately handed me a cup of coffee! But that time it was hot from the pot. I’m not much of a coffee drinker, but I took it anyway to be polite. I sat at the same table facing the fountain at the corner of the street. I thought to myself that it was the start of a new beginning for me and I was determined to make sure everything worked out.

As I took a sip from my close to cold coffee, I heard someone yelling all of a sudden. I turned around and it was the man from the school. I finally got a closer look at this “creature.” He was wearing a white jacket, black pants, and a gray shirt. He may have a nice sense of style, but his attitude was completely the opposite. He yelled at the owner of the cafe, complaining about his warm coffee. The owner was as polite as he can be and wasn’t able to understand every word of his complaint because he was was hard at hearing. No matter how many times the owner apologized, he didn’t not listen.

I don’t like his attitude. I don’t like his tone of voice. And, most of all I don’t like he’s ruining my morning! I got up, took my now cold coffee, and walked over to the arrogant man. I asked what he was complaining about after the owner had apologized. He said that it was not my business. Of course, he said this in Spanish, but he continued yelling, and this time, he was yelling at me. He talked fast, and I couldn’t keep up with his words. I’m sure if I took out my dictionary to help me translate what he said, I would look like a total idiot in front of this arrogant “creature.” I decided to just politely keep quiet and let the man speak. But through his jumble of Spanish words, I found myself completely lost and speechless. However, I heard him say, “ignorante.” I sure hope he wasn’t referring to me or the owner as ignorant. But, it doesn’t matter his tone of voice and choice of words said it all, and I had enough. I grabbed my cold coffee and dumped it on his head. The coffee dripped down his face and into his white jacket. He was speechless. But I thought to myself that he should be thankful. Thankful that it wasn’t hot coffee.